To Eat a Kraken

I'm eating this shit now. You can't stop me. Oh shit. This tastes like Red Lobster's Crispy Calamari.

Mmmmmmm....

Delish.

This is my blog. My Kraken. My seas. I own this shit. GTFO.

Also, you should know that this isn't even the first Kraken that I've stolen. How does that make you feel?

- Pirate Patricia

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Whoa. This does taste pretty good.

- Toothybeard

FUCK

Please don't eat it.

- B.

"cool"

That you have to say that just shows how uncool you are. I think we all knew how uncool you were for making a circa 2007 blog like this. You just seem super duper desperate for attention, dude. 

Oh yeah, I'm gonna eat your shit now. Your Kraken, that is. GET HYPE...

- Pirate Patricia

I'M NO BABY

How dare you try to insult me. I'm the captain of a ship. That makes me cool or something. Cooler than you.

- B.

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It seems like this isn't getting us anywhere, captain.

- Jimmy

FAIL

You have done nothing but paint yourself as a helpless little baby. Waaaaaah. Get rekt, Bee. I'm gonna eat this monster and tell everyone about it just to mess with you now. I hope you're excited for that because I know I am. 

- Pirate Patricia

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

I will not stand for this. This is a mockery of what it is all about to be a monster hunter at sea. You're desecrated the sacred traditions and you're desecrating this trendy blog.

- B.
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It's not that trendy.

- Jimmy

Nah.

It's not your blog, dudes. It's not your Kraken, dudes. You got RIP'd.

- Pirate Patricia

OURS

What you are doing is not right. This our blog and that's our Kraken you stole. Give it back.

- B.

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You tell 'em.

- Jimmy

THIS IS A BLOG FOR PIRATES NOW

I'm a pirate and this blog for pirates now. Some of my pirate friends will join in on the fun shortly. We're gonna sell this stinky Kraken for millions. We'll be so stinkin' rich, the stink will be permanent.

- Pirate Patricia
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Get rekt, monster hunters.

- Toothybeard
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It's all about us 21st Century pirates, baby!

- R.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

NOT ONLY HAVE I STOLEN YOUR KRAKEN BUT I JUST STOLE THIS BLOG. BEST PIRATE EVER, RIGHT?

- Pirate Patricia

STOLEN?!?!?!?

The Kraken's body was stolen. It's a damn shame. Now everyone will think this was a hoax. It won't be one for the history books.

I can't believe this nonsense. Who would steal from us and why?

- B.

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Well, I guess this was all a waste of time.

- Jimmy
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I'm out.

- Ricky

One For The History Books

Now that we have the body of the Kraken, we can go home. This will surely be one for the history books.

- B.

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The captain seems a little overly obsessed with the fame this will give him. Whatever makes him happy, I guess.

- Jimmy
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It would be a real shame if someone stole the Kraken from us.

- Ricky

THE KRAKEN

WE'VE FOUND IT! WE'VE FOUND THE KRAKEN!!!

- B.

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During a normal Angry Birds session, we hit some sort of giant octopus. The Captain calls it a Kraken.

- Jimmy
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I can't believe the Captain wasn't THAT crazy after all. Hopefully that means we all get paid extra.

- Ricky

AND SO IT CONTINUES

Our sails continue. We have not yet found our beast but I just know we're close.

- B.
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I've been playing some Tetris lately and some Dig Dug and also some weird dating sim.

- Jimmy
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Eh... I don't think so. This seems like a hopeless cause.

- Ricky.

First Post

I am at sea and my quest has begun. I seek the beast. To hunt it is the greatest of honors. 

I will update this blog to keep everyone informed. Everyone will know of my feat.

My crew is small but inspiring. I am the captain. Jimmy is my first mate. 

We left about a month ago and have already eaten up a lot of the food that was brought with. However, we have begun fishing. Ricky, another member of our crew, is a great fisherman.

We've seen signs of the beast. It has left its ink trail for miles and miles. We will soon find and hunt this specimen.

- B.

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One of the most interesting aspects of monster hunting in the 21st century is using a GPS. In the past, sea folk had to use their wits, a compass, the North Star, or some other old-fashioned thing. 

We can also play games on our phones which is nice. We don't have to worry about getting bored at all. Candy Crush is always there for us.

- Jimmy

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To be quite honest, I don't think we'll find shit. This would all seem like a waste of time but I'm getting paid and I guess it's cool to get paid to blog about nothing. Thanks, Captain.

- Ricky